Beyond Sunday

S1Ep9 - Parenting — Forming Faith One Conversation at a Time

• King of Kings Church • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Parenting is equal parts blessing and burden — like a brew that’s strong, messy, and still good. This episode explores how raising children in the faith isn’t about perfection but about daily conversations, modeled forgiveness, and Gospel rhythms that keep filling the cup.

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SPEAKER_00:

You're listening to Coffee Break Theology, a King of Kings podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Welcome back to Coffee Break Theology, where theology gets practical in the time it takes to reheat your coffee. I gotta say, I I hate reheated coffee. I actually won't drink it. Would you rather eat drink cold coffee though? I would. Like my grandmother used to offer me coffee and it was a pot she made from early in the morning and she just reheated it. And I was like, I didn't have the heart because I loved her to tell her it was disgusting, but it was.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what happens. I don't like reheating it either, so I try to drink it fast. If it's cold, it's going down the sink. But yeah, but today we're here, we're gonna talk about something that's both beautiful and very, very terrifying. Parenting.

SPEAKER_02:

So we're not gonna offer 10 hacks to be a perfect behavior or how we can raise a valedictorian, but we are gonna go deeper into the theology of parenting. So, what does it mean to raise your kids in the faith?

SPEAKER_01:

Especially from a Lutheran perspective where we believe God works through ordinary means, like bedtime prayers, dinner table, blessings, and yes, even diaper changes.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow. Wow. I'm so glad I'm not changing diapers anymore. So so first of all, let's remember this. Parenting is a vocation, right? And it's a calling from God.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Deuteronomy chapter six, verses six and seven say this. They set the tone here for this. These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Luther loved that verse. I I do too. In fact, um, he loved it so much, it's one of the reasons why he wrote the small catechism, which is that parents then, dads and moms, could teach the faith in their homes. So I always like to say this when we talk about confirmation, moms and dads, like this is not the role of the church, this is your role, and the churches actually support you, encourage you, but you're the primary.

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly. And here's what's powerful God doesn't expect us to be perfect parents. Oh, praise you, Jesus, for that. I'm glad he doesn't because I'm not. But he does entrust us with discipling our kids. That is something that he has called us to do.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and that happens in our everyday rhythms. So, like when you're driving, when you're tucking them in, um, if if you have a dog and you're walking the dog, um, or and this is a key, like forgiving them after a meltdown, whether they're a toddler or a teenager. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And we talked about sin a long time ago, but kids have sin, and I think that's obviously apparent. So they're gonna have meltdowns. Forgiveness is key. Um, but what you're talking about there, that's just everyday life, the everyday rhythms. So continuing on in that Deuteronomy 6 passage, it says, You shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. It should be, you should be teaching your kids as you live, no matter what you're doing. It's not just send them to school, send them to church. It's as we live our lives in this home, we're gonna talk about Jesus.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I always think this is where, right, we're just continually dripping into the words uh of God. And and this is too like where I say to my kids, not often enough, but like go live like a child of God, right? And and not say you should, but say God's called, and and those kinds of language.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and and God is he's the he's the perfect father, he's the perfect issue of those decrees, right? Like from a perfect God, he wants me to act this way, not my parents are making me do things. It's God has called us to act in a certain way. Yeah, for sure. I like that. One of uh Luther's best projects is the small catechism. We've been talking through that a lot since we started this podcast, but in the preface to the small catechism, Luther wrote this to pastors and parents. He said, The deplorable, miserable condition which I discovered recently when I too was a visitor, has constrained and compelled me to prepare this catechism.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I gotta admit, I rarely read a preface to any book or anything like that. Um, but I you need to because it actually tells you why they're writing the book. And so that's a reminder that Luther wrote the catechism because he wanted every head of household, whether that was a mom or dad, it didn't matter, right? Male or female, and that's a key point, to teach the basics of the faith. So so what do the Ten Commandments say? What does the creed say? What is what is the Lord's prayer? What is baptism? What is communion? And why do we even need confession?

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And all those things, like if you've grown up in the Lutheran church or any church, you probably memorize those. And and we can get to the place where it's just something we say, it's something we're going through the motions. But what Luther's trying to do in the catechism is catechism is say, no, this is something you know, this is something you walk out, this is something you live in. Um and you're you're not teaching these in lectures, you're having conversations about them. Something like this. Something as you live in your house, as you as you wake up, as you go to go to bed. You're in community, yeah, in your homes, anywhere you find yourself, we're called to live that out.

SPEAKER_02:

And that's that's so important, is this is where like I think our culture, especially American culture today, we've got to get back to bringing faith into the homes. And and and and don't let don't let faith stop at the message on a Sunday morning. Um have the conversation. And I I think this is really important as as a pastor, I say this. So I I I want everyone to understand, my kids and my nephews and others who ask me ask questions about scripture, and I sometimes go, I don't know. Yeah, right. Like, and so that's okay to say I don't know, right, and I'm not sure, or to even be able to say, like, I don't understand this. Right. And and that's that permission. You don't you don't have to be the expert um to talk about that. And so, parents, it might sound intimidating, but yeah, don't don't be don't worry about being the expert.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, if if you're a pastor and you're saying you're not the expert, right? Then that that gives me hope as as some as a lay person who's not a pastor, who's not trained in any of this stuff, to say, well, if he doesn't know, then I don't have to know. Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think I think the key is like the moment you think you've got all the answers figured out from the scripture, um, it is the moment that you you actually are saying that you're you know everything that God knows. Right. And and you don't. There's a lot of in between the lines, there's also a lot of where like like for for anyone to say that they understand everything of God uh puts them into a huge position of arrogance.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

I I don't understand how communion can be what we believe, which is the body and the blood and the bread and the wine. Yeah, I can't understand that. Like the moment I can fathom that is like the moment I I say, God, you're like I'm either as smart as you or you're as smart as me. And God better not be like at my intellect level.

SPEAKER_01:

Like he needs to be way over. So you know what I would say to somebody who says they know it all?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, go read Job.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

God, God dreams Job pretty well about who he is and who he's not.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And so I think this is where I would say to parents, this is what I will tell you right now, that that you don't need all the right answers because you've already been equipped. Yep. You're not alone in this, and you've been equipped to to share the word of God, to be able to teach your children. And if you're saying to me, like, well, how do you know I'm equipped? I'm gonna tell you because you were entrusted with a child. Right. So so God already sees in you uh a parent to stand for him and share him with your child and give them the greatest gift you can ever give to them.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

And here's where the theology hits the floor, then. One of the most powerful things a parent can say is, I was wrong, I am sorry, will you forgive me? It took me a long time to figure that one out, but once I started saying it, you know, it it moved in big ways in my relationship with my kids.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, we teach that in our home. Um, where when someone says they're sorry to one another, we use the words, I forgive you. Not it's okay, not don't worry about it. Um, and it's really powerful when it comes from me because I I have been wrong, right? And I do need to say I'm sorry. And sometimes I don't recognize my wrongness or I defend it first, right? And and then I need to go back. And and here's the thing my kids, your kids, anyone's kids out there, they don't need perfect parents. Right, they need real authentic parents, and in in theological terms, we call this repentant. Yeah, ones who model grace, not just preach about it. Right. And also, I think this is important. To model grace means not only to give it, but it also means to receive it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. I like that. And there that means there's sanctification in the home. Right. That's that's at work then. Not clean floors and chore charts. That's not what parenting is about. I mean, you take care of the stuff you have because we're stir stewards of God's creation, right? But but the the gospel rhythms of confession, forgiveness, prayer, patience, those are the things that you want ruminating through your house. And and it's not easy. That's that's extremely difficult with all the polls that we have from a society and from our jobs and from other relationships and all that kind of stuff, and our own selfish desire, that's hard. But God's here to help.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And that's where we get to celebrate also the good stuff, right? Praising God for the win. So, so Marcus, I'm uh uh my daughter is uh launching into college. This this year's her first year as a freshman. She's at uh University of Nebraska, Lincoln, go big red. I now say that, believe that, because I pay for that. Um But you know, I I just I I had seen something that said, celebrate this win, this launch. Don't like on my when we dropped her off, we didn't say like, oh, this is so sad, this is so hard. Like, we've actually been preparing for the last 18 years for this day. Definitely, and now we want to launch her well and go, good job, you got here. Nice, and and we did the work to get here, and that's where we celebrate the good stuff. Right, we praise God for the wins, the growth, the unexpected moments of kindness. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

And so if you're feeling overwhelmed by this, if you're listening to this, you're like, man, this yeah, parenting is hard. We we get it. Parenting is no joke. And I for I firmly believe that as a man, God has called me to take on responsibility. Amen. This isn't a podcast about masculinity, but we could go there and I could talk for years about that. But but once I got married, I took on a responsibility to care for my wife. Now, she's an adult and it's a little bit easier, but having kids is completely new and it's a completely different responsibility. They are wholly dependent on you for everything. Right. Right? For those of you who don't have kids, like you probably like if you have nieces and nephews, you get a glimpse of this. But yeah, they are dependent on everything for food, sustenance, for clean diapers, for baths, for sleep, everything. They depend on you for their life. And that that's a big responsibility. And once you think you've got past that phase, you got it figured out, they grow into a new needy creature. Right. They're mobile now, they start moving around. Now your focus turns to keeping them safe, not to hurt themselves. Then you get used to that phase, and bam, you're on to the next one. You're starting to teach them now how to act around others, you're starting to give them these spiritual truths. You're you're you're starting to get them to feed themselves, you're starting to entrust them with more responsibility more and more. And so you have a responsibility to teach them and and how to take on that more responsibility more and more. But all the while you're doing all this, every phase, you're giving them, you're feeding them spiritual truths because that's what you're called to do. And and so, what are these spiritual truths? Who God is? Who is that? Because of of of who I am, what's my identity? What does God say? Who are you who am I as a child of God? What does that mean? And for us as parents, it's trying to imitate the Heavenly Father.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So you're showing them what he does, what he says, you're showing him that you screw up, how he treats us as children, how he treats me. So I'm just a an imitation. I'm a faint glow of what the father is for all of us to my kids. And so as a dad, I feel that weight. That's something that's that's very heavy, sure. But you know, I'm I'm charged along with my wife, she helps immensely, obviously, to parent these kids. Parenting definitely has its challenges. It is weighty, it is a responsibility.

SPEAKER_02:

It's one of those things where I I say, like, like you we hear all that, like I hear that and I go, gosh, yeah, parenting's exhausting. Yeah, but also it's one of the most fulfilling and rewarding things ever because you know, when you look at your kids, you realize for me, I just realized like God entrusted these two people for me, right? Not to live 70 or 80 great years, but to live an eternity. Nice. And so, and and then I'm reminded too, and this is why I I do think like the the parent groups and our connect groups and all those things, they're important because we're not alone. Right. And and we have we have one another in the church and our faith journey um and in our communities. We have the scriptures that remind us we do have a perfect heavenly father, and so I can rest in that and I have grace. And we have a God who parents me with perfect grace and love and reminds me that like we never stop being a parent.

SPEAKER_01:

We're always a parent. Yeah. Uh Isaiah 40, 11 says this. He gently, God is the key here. God gently leads those who have young. He's not ruining with an iron fist as you parent. He's right alongside you helping you out.

SPEAKER_02:

And so also parents, and this is this is where we have to right remember that faith is the gift of the Holy Spirit, and our children um have to hold on to the faith that they've been given. Our job isn't to manufacture faith in them, it's not to require it, right? It's really to make space for it in their lives, um, to to plant those seeds, to water that seed of faith, and then trust in the Holy Spirit to bring it to growth and to fruit. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

And Luther said this: let the wife make the child familiar with the catechism, teach him to pray and train him in godliness. And don't worry, this is not just expected of moms. He said moms, but it's it's moms and dads, like you said before. And these things were never meant to be outsourced. You said this before. This is not supposed to be outsourced to the church or to their school or to the state or whatever coaches they might have. Um the responsibility to parent, guess what? It's shockingly, it's the parent's job to parent, right? Yeah, and yes, those institutions can walk alongside you and help you out, and they should, and that's what the church is for, and that's what school you know should be about for a big part of their life, right? Um, but it is our job, it's our calling. As a parent, it's my job to parent these kids, and so he he ultimately entrusts that to me. So our charge is to show God's will, it's to teach him his will, but it's also to show him his love and his grace and his forgiveness that that we have in every aspect of our life.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and I I think I love that. Don't ever forget that this is a job for moms and dads. Luther started that. So so women like you have a role and responsibility to raise your children in faith, and and and that's that's the belief of our our church is women are also faith teachers, leaders, preachers, like go and and teach. Um, we have that role and responsibility together. So here's your coffee break theology takeaway. Parenting is a sacred, sacred calling. Um, and that can mean that it's gonna be messy, it's gonna be exhausting, but it's a holy work. And God promises to be in the middle of your parenting.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. So, in summary, what do we do? We teach the faith. Yeah, we live the gospel, we apologize often, and we trust Jesus with the long game.

SPEAKER_02:

So, join us next time on Coffee Break Theology, where we're gonna look at your vocation, how God slowly shapes us into who He's already declared us to be.

SPEAKER_01:

Very cool. Until then, take a deep breath. Yeah, remember your Heavenly Father is parenting you also.

SPEAKER_00:

Amen. Thanks for listening to Coffee Break Theology. Be sure to tune in next time and remember to check out our other podcast series available on every major podcast listening service.

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